Vulnerability. Prosperity. CTRL
Written by Jennifer Alfaro
First lady of TDE, the queen, the one and only, finally released her highly anticipated album “CTRL”, which has had a grip on my life since June 9.
Within the first 40 seconds, SZA’s vulnerability is clear as she finally decides to leave a toxic relationship, a relationship in which she was cheated on. It makes you feel for her, such a sweetheart like who would you cheat on SZA with? Let me know! Anyways, she continues with
“Let me tell you a secret
I been secretly banging your homeboy
Why you in Vegas all up on Valentine’s Day?”
At this point, I was like SIS OUT HERE! Out of spite, she went out and fucked his friend, a move! Although she cheated back, the chorus made it evident that her insecurities are what have kept her in this relationship, along with “bomb dick”.
“Why I can’t stay alone just by myself?
Wish I was comfortable just with myself
But I need you, but I need you, but I need you”
After listening to all 14 tracks of SZA pouring and exposing her emotions, and these niggas, many were left wondering, who or WHOMST the fuck hurt SZA this bad?
In an interview with The Breakfast Club, SZA says that all the stories from hooking up with her boyfriend’s friend after finding out he was cheating in “Supermodel”, to not knowing she was the side chick in “The Weekend” were true. Finding out her man was having a full-blown orgy in Vegas on Valentine’s Day? Not being claimed by men who she thought loved her? Not measuring up to her lover’s expectations? Quite frankly, SZA is tired of these men, but also tired of herself and ready to hold control.
The album is much deeper than her experiences as a side chick in songs like “Love Galore” and “The Weekend”. It is more than the blinding amount of times Kdot says pussy in “Doves in the Wind” and … SZA’s “CTRL” is a proclamation to the world, letting those who have shared similar experiences in shitty relationships know they’re not alone. This album was her letting go, a cathartic experience where she dominates and finally gains control of her life. Conquering self-doubt in songs like “Normal Girls”, “Drew Barrymore”, and “Anything” where she heartbreakingly repeats “Do you even know I’m alive?”. Loving herself in “Go Gina”, doing whatever she pleases for herself, by herself. Imbalances in her past relationships has led SZA to where she is today, a stronger and more independent woman who has done nothing but inspired many, including myself, since day 1.
Much success and buzz is to come for the talented soul as “CTRL” is her strongest project to date. She has come a long way as a songwriter and evolving and developed her sound, so sonically satisfying. A tour is promised to be in the works, where SZA will have the opportunity to deliver her honest lyrics, hopefully coming to a venue near you.